When judgement backfires - a post about gold fairy dust and multicoloured jelly.

While in Singapore over the Christmas holidays, my family and I visited a Buddhist temple. Now, I've heard it said that once you've seen one Buddhist temple, you've pretty much seen them all. But this one was different - it stood out. This one held a tooth relic of Buddha, and various other relics too.

It's a warm afternoon, the sky is darkening with the threat of rain and we walk into the temple - intrigued at what it might hold. We watch as the monks chant and wonder where they fit in the time to breathe. We take time to read about the life of Buddha, and read all about 'enlightenment' and I am still just as clueless as I was when I first walked in. Then we walk through the part of the temple where Buddha's tongue, heart, liver, kidney, big & small intestine, brain and blood relics are kept. Might I add that his blood resembles gold fairy dust and his brain matter is multicoloured balls of jelly. Not to be disrespectful, but the main thought crossing my mind and lips were 'How can people actually believe this?!'. And then we get to the part where his tooth relic is held. I couldn't hold the laughter in. If that tooth could fit inside a human beings mouth, then Buddha must have had a mighty large head! It was huge! 

I would like to say that my thoughts and heart were saddened by this, and that I was truly heart-broken for the people following this religion. And while yes, it is heart-breaking watching young children make their offerings and seeing the lies in these people's lives, my heart was full of judgement. I could not, for the life of me, understand how anyone found truth in this. How anyone could worship this. My heart did not soften.

Then, a few weeks ago, I was convicted. I do the same thing, every day. I try to find truth in something other than God. I look for satisfaction in the work I am doing rather than the God I am serving. I look for comfort from friends and family instead of looking upwards. I look for joy in a funny film instead of what He has done for me. I look for acceptance and control instead of humility and trust. I stood judging and condemning those who look to false gods when my life is full of them. 

He reminds me that 'Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved'.

Reality.

'God shows up in our reality. He shows up in our weakness. His eyes are not running across the earth looking for the woman who lives in a romantic movie set of perfection. He is looking for the real, the weak, and the one who needs Him.'

Before coming here, my idea of what this year would look like was definitely geared towards the romantic movie set of perfection. The idea of pouring out love on these little ones, making their lives better and of walking hand in hand with them down dusty roads, laughing and playing with them all day because they need to be shown that attention The idea of feeling rewarded and appreciated every single second of every day. Feeling as if I matter because I'm here, feeling as if I am contributing something great to their worlds. The idea of writing back home and telling everyone how wonderful everything is and how I've never felt more at home. These ideas of course, all point to one thing. Myself. These ideas point to the misconception that I am enough. That I have enough energy, enough love, enough patience and enough joy for each day. That this year is all about me and what I am doing to help. That the reason to write back home is so that people see how wonderful I am.
Yet the reality, tells me that in no way am I enough, and in no way am I wonderful. The reality of never having enough energy. Of feeling drained and tired by 7pm, and feeling exactly the same way when I wake up in the morning. Of feeling like I have absolutely no patience and all this love that I want to give to my kids, is pushed out by frustration and weariness. The reality of not looking like someone from a movie set, in any way, shape or form. Of feeling sticky and sweaty, in cold season. Of having first graders say 'ouch' as they put their hands on my legs because I missed a spot when I shaved my legs in the shower that morning, because I was half asleep. Of spilling my coffee down my front at 6am and not getting home till 8.30pm to wash it off. The reality of missing the joy all around me, because I am too busy focussing on myself and my own ideas of what things should look like. The reality of feeling completely useless. The reality of not wanting to write back home, because I don't want to be real with people.
Then He whispers to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'. He lifts my gaze upwards. He does not affirm that my ideas were correct. No, He tells me they were selfish and proud. He asks my who I am here for. He tells me that I am not enough, but that He is. His Joy is my Strength. A Divine Strength. He reminds me to lean on Him and depend on Him. To cast all my burdens and frustrations on Him. He prompts me to write home - not about how wonderful I am or how perfect everything is, but to write about Him. To write about what He is doing in the lives of these kids, and in my own life. He says 'Whoever welcomes one of these children in My name, welcomes me'. I am to welcome them in His name and in His power. Not in my own name.
So here it is - the reality of living here is hard. I love it, and I wouldn't change it, but it is hard. But, God is doing wonderful things here. He is working and He is being faithful. He is teaching me and growing me, and He is speaking into the lives of these kids.

And of course - there is always a little bit of time and energy for some cuddling!

Such as these.

Please note that the pictures do not necessarily represent the students in the stories.

He is the most enthusiastic little boy I’ve ever met and I don’t think there is a moment I’ve looked at him and his face hasn't been dripping with sweat. He’s a character. Picture this – he is waving so hard and so enthusiastically after we drop him home that he walks the old man who looks after him (who is in a wheelchair taller than the little boy) straight into a pole and just carries on like nothing has happened. Meanwhile this old man is probably thinking 'why on earth do I put up with this..' It was maybe a ‘had to be there’ moment, but it truly was hilarious! His story is a sad one though. He was born here in Chiang Mai, and was living with his Father but was being abused by someone else, so he moved down south to live with his grandfather. However, his grandfather died in the recent flooding and so this little boy has had to move back up here and is now living with his mother. She works two jobs, and so when we drop him home after school there is nobody to take care of him. He is left all alone. Nobody to ask him how his day was, help him with his homework, heat up his food for him or put him to bed.

She is a beautiful, sweet girl. She makes us laugh and tells us that all the boys love her but she doesn't love them back. She tells us what's going on in her class and who loves who and who did what. But her father has a quick temper. Her mother wants to leave and take her, but it's just too hard. She says she is scared for her daughter. We watch as this sweetheart bursts into floods of tears on the way to school. Like every other human, she just wants to be loved. Is that too much to ask?

He is hands down, one of the funniest boys I have ever met. He makes me laugh daily, and he really does have such a good heart. He doesn't care what others think - he wears his heart on his sleeve. He is sweet, and caring - most of the time - and everyone loves him! His parents have been in prison since he was 5 months old, and will be there for another 10 years because of drug dealing. He's grown up in a children's home, and while the home is a good place and he is treated well there, he can still feel all alone. My room-mate went to the hospital with him when he broke his leg. 'What's your father's name?' 'I don't know.' 'What's your mother's name?' 'I don't know.' 'Where do you live?' 'I don't know.' I watch his face crumple when, in a thanksgiving activity, someone expresses their thankfulness for a family. 

These are just three stories. There are thirty from our school, and thousands all over Thailand. The reminder of where these kids are coming from, reminds me of why I am here. What the point is. Why they need love.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

School video.

Please take a moment to watch our new school video and see what is happening in some of our kids' lives!

Visa Shmisa!

On the 14th of December I had to leave the country because my visa ran out -so I went to Singapore to stay with my parents over Christmas and New Year, and until I could get a visa. Last Friday I went and applied for my visa. This is how the day turned out.
The Thai embassy is only open between 9.30 am and 11.30 am. After going to my parents office and printing everything we think we need off, my Dad and I get the MRT to the road that the Thai Embassy is on. We get there around 10.45 and it takes us a good 15 minutes to run around and actually find the Embassy. We talk to the guard and he looks through my paper work and then tells us that my pictures have a blue background and that's not okay, it needs to be a white background. He then proceeds to tell us that there's a photo booth in a certain shopping centre around the corner. Now I don't know about you, but finding a certain shopping centre in a whole road of shopping centres, and then finding a singular passport photo booth in one seems a little bit difficult to me. He rattles off some directions and leaves my Dad and I to it. After running around and finding this photo booth, we get back to the embassy for about 11.20. Ten minutes to spare. We run in, begin to line up and a lady comes up to us and says 'you need to cut and glue those photos'. So we get out of line, borrow some glue and scissors and get back in line. Once we get to the front desk and hand in my paper work, the lady takes one look at it and says 'Okay, can you sit to the side please and I'll call you back over later'. We sit to the side. At 12 noon we're the only ones left waiting. The lady who asked us to sit to the side looks over and says 'I'm sorry, what are you doing here?' Fantastic. We then explain and she remembers and goes to get my paper work. She then asks 'where are your flight details?' I explain that I had to cancel my flight back to Chiang Mai because I only just received the paper work for the visa. She then tells me that she cannot issue my paper work unless she has a copy of my flights back to Chiang Mai, which are of course not booked yet. Thankfully, she told us that she'd be in the embassy at 2pm that afternoon and if we managed to book flights, print them off and take them back to her that day, my visa would possibly be ready by the Tuesday. However, if we waited to give them to her we would have to wait until Tuesday and then she wouldn't be sure when I could get my visa. So after a call to my mother, a dash back to the office and booking a flight for a day where we couldn't be sure if I would have my visa yet, we made it back to the Thai Embassy for 2pm.
And on Tuesday - I was handed my visa!
There are still complications with renewing it and it's turning out to be a lot more expensive than planned, but for the next three months I definitely have a visa and a permit to stay in country! Yay!

The silver lining in all of this was of course, getting to spend three weeks with my family. Here are some pictures from the trip.

 Mum and Dad went to work, Jake and I explored the 'ten stages of hell theme-park'. It was kinda creepy...

 Christmas Eve Carol Concert

 These three wise men made us laugh so much!

 'Faster! Faaaaaster!!'

 The famous Raffles Hotel

Singapore.