Torn.

Some days, I miss home. I miss my friends and I miss being a normal 17 year old. I miss my home and my family. Some days - I just want to sit with my best friends, and talk for hours about nothing in particular. I want to be able to stay up all night, and still make it through the next day. I want to be carefree. I want to pick up my phone and be able to talk to whoever I want to, without figuring out time differences. I want to go to friends' birthday meals - instead of having to call for 5 minutes. I want to be there when my friends hurt. I don't want to be on the other side of the world. I miss feeling comfortable and at home. If I'm truly honest - there are some days where I just don't want to be here.
But I know. I know, that when the time comes to leave, I'll be heartbroken. I know that I'll miss seeing 30 beautiful, little faces look up at me every morning. (Alright - well 29. Only one is taller...) I know that I'll miss the funny things they say and the way they make me laugh. I'll miss their sweet voices and the way that I only ever understand half of what they're saying - if I'm lucky. I'll miss sitting with them while they cry and I'll miss being able to comfort them. I will miss being a part of their lives and knowing that, even if only for a short time, I am blessed to be in their lives. And I'll miss my room mates. I will miss their encouragement, friendship and wisdom. I will miss knowing that they understand. I will miss the 9 months that will have so quickly gone by.
Dundee is home, but I know that it won't feel like home when I go back. Not exactly. Things change, and people change. I know myself that I have already changed. Thailand doesn't feel like home. I do not belong. So I am torn. I am homesick for a place that is no longer truly home. And I am living in a place that never will be home. And then I remember. I remember that I was not made for this world. It's okay if it doesn't feel like home. In fact, I don't want to ever feel at home. Because this is not my home. I am only on this earth for a short while. I want to be homesick for heaven. For my true home.

These two are so sweet.