39 weeks.: An honour.

As my time in Thailand draws to an end (only 2 days left!), many thoughts and feelings have filled my mind and heart. Trying to express them however, is a little more difficult. I look back at the person I was 9 months ago, and I still recognize her. I think of my first day at school, and in some ways I still feel exactly the same. I think about how I first viewed Thailand, and much of that is the same too. Yet everything is different. I have been taught so much, grown, learned hard lessons, laughed, loved, cried, stressed and tried to serve.
A dear friend and I were talking the other day and the song 'legacy' by Nichole Nordeman came on. The lyrics say 'I want to leave a legacy, how will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to you enough?' She looked at me and asked, 'What kind of legacy d'you think we left Lucy?' And we continued to joke about how we were the crazy white ladies that our kids didn't understand and who pronounced everything wrong. But I continued to think about the question, and how important it really was if I had left a legacy. And the truth is, I probably haven't. The kids will remember me for a time, but soon there will be new kids who have absolutely no idea who I am. The work I did will be remembered for a time too, but things change and get old and need repaired or re-done. Soon enough there will be no evidence of my footprints whatsoever. And in reality, if I made a lasting impact at all - it is not mine to claim.
Throughout this whole year, nothing has been 'easy'. God has been teaching me so much on His faithfulness and my need to depend on Him for absolutely everything. He has been teaching me about my weakness and His strength, and the joy of His presence. And how every day we must work to bring Him glory. He has stretched me beyond what I thought I could handle, and has opened my eyes and heart to so much, and given me a glimpse of His heart for His people.
He provided me with everything I needed. He worked everything for my good. And even through all my faults, imperfections and struggles, He still used me. He blessed me with the children He gave me and opened my heart to them. He gave me more children than I thought I could handle, but gave me love for every single one of them. He gave me sweet friends and people to encourage me and walk alongside me.
I came here to serve, but in reality, I have been served and blessed so much more. And after all the joy, laughter, love, challenges, let-downs, and frustrations - I can safely say that this year has been incredible. And it does break my heart to leave. But I know it is time.
I'm going to steal song lyrics again. Chris Tomlin puts it well when he says:

At the end of the day, I wanna hear the people say

That my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart

Unashamed I will dance, in Your name, lift my hands

Till my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart.

My prayer is that the children I have come to love so dearly, will be shaped into Godly men and women, with hearts like Christ. And that God would continue the good work He began in both them, and me.

To Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.